are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
