Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
nutella sex= disaster
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
