god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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