i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
