Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
