I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
