Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
