What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
