An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
