in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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