i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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