I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
