Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
