I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
