it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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