Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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