Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
