I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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