STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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