A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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