Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it's great music for shaving your balls
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
