I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
