I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
