It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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