he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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