I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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