my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
