No stitches, just platelets and will power
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
