I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
