She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
