I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
