dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my being single is dangerous.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
