Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
