Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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