pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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