I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
