I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
