you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
tell me about the fingering
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
