God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
