Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
