the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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