Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
