He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
