I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
