I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
