There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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