On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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