its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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