well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The feeling are messing with the penis
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
