Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
