I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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