maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
